Well may they say God save the Queen...

In the history of embarrassing moments, never has there been such an epic embarrassing moment as when Barack Obama toasted the Queen while "God save the Queen" was playing.



I have done some pretty embarrassing things in my life. In a small town in Italy, I walked around for hours, before heading up to Switzerland, having a long piece of toilet paper dangling over the top of my jeans.

This experience was truly excruciating. Fortunatly my moment of shame was only witnessed by some random Italians and Swiss whom I will never see again. No cameras were there to record the event for posterity and it was not witnessed by the Queen!

O, Bama! Thank you this truly priceless moment that I can refer to everytime I disgrace myself in future. I can always stop and say to myself, "At least I didn't toast the Queen...."

May 21st

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The fear-mongers are feasting on end of the world predictions for May 21st.


If the world ends tomorrow, at least I won't have to go to work on Monday. If the world does not end, then I will be wishing it did when I go to work on Monday. World ending or going to work, either way it's a lose/lose situation.

When the inevitable collapse of humanity comes I don't plan on hiding timidly in a bunker, waiting for the zombie hordes to attack. Instead I will be one of those crazy post-apocalyptic bikers like in the Mad Max movies, going around causing mayhem.
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To this end I have done the following to prepare for the zombie apocalypse, (just in case)

1. Styled my hair into a mohawk and dyed it purple.
2. Put a safety pin through my nose for that scary mad biker look.
3. Filled the ATV with petrol so I can ride around wrecking havoc on the populace.
4. Decorated the ATV with dismembered dolls.
5. Changed my name to Night Rider.
6. Told my sweet domestic pets that they are to become a savage, marauding horde.
7. Had second helpings of dessert because I have got nothing to lose.
8. Watched Mad Max again to get some tips.

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If the world does not end....

1. See a hairdresser immediately.

2.Visit a doctor about that nasty infection caused by a home piercing.

3.Store the ATV until the next time the world is going end.

4.Reassemble the dismembered dolls and give them to needy children.

5. Change my name back to Countess Chichi

6. Take the pets to the pooch parlour to have the words, "Killer Dog" which had been spray painted on, washed off.

7. Not eat dessert again for month.

8. Send the Mad Max DVD back to Netflix

9. Wait until the next fringe group tries to instill the world with fear and do it all over again. :)
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Coyotes and Grundies

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Good news; I have gotten a new job. My dignity can be restored once more as I return to the education field.

I had thought that working in a retail store would be fun, I love shopping so it would be like shopping all day and meeting nice people right? Wrong...oh so wrong.

It is hard work and I have so much respect for people who work in shops now, especially those who work in big department stores that have a heavy volume of customers yet who always keep the floor understaffed--to make a few more bucks for the fat cats; meanwhile, the slaves--in this case that would be me--work like they are in a Siberian labour camp, with the conditions in Siberia only being slightly better. *wink*

I would rather teach than have to go into the women's changerooms at the store and pick up the clothes some slovenly high-schoolers discarded. I mean, I am used to giving high-school kids homework, NOT picking up the inside out grundies they tried on and left on the floor. Oh my stomach is turning. I use hand sanitizer copiously. It might kill the germs but the psychological scars remain.

The other day some lady was buying a whole bunch of clothes, she had her teenage son with her. As I was going through ringing items up, I picked up something she had tried and had then left inside out. I just happened to grab it by the hygiene strip (the adhesive strip attached to the crotch area so that when some poor bugger buys the item which has been tried on by who knows how many sweaty fannies--they can remove the strip and hopefully find the item clean). The item was a bathing suit bottom and here I was touching the crotch area that had just been touching her middle-aged fanny. I'm making myself sick even recounting it.

My stomach did a back flip when I realised what I was touching, she was obviously embarrassed and I think the son wanted to die. I was trying to carry on and in doing so made a whole bunch of inane comments about whatever crap came into my mind, which only made things worse. Why oh why are people such dirty blighters? What kind of dirtbag tries on undergarments then takes them to the check-out counter inside out?

I bet Kate Middleton has never had, and never will have, to touch some aging woman's swimsuit crotch area. Why didn't I marry royalty...why? why?

Speaking of Kate, as I go about my daily life doing country things such as today's adventure which involved running up a hill with logging debris all over it--while brandishing a big stick because my dogs were getting into it with coyotes--I keep thinking, what are Kate and William doing right now? Hobnobbing with other royals I expect, living in luxury--eating little cakes--as I romp around the bush in trakky daks, dishevelled hair and an unwashed face, yelling and getting ready to fight off a pack of coyotes with a broken stick.

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Musings on a royal wedding

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The Royal Wedding; I was in my element. I woke up at 2am and stayed up all night to watch it. I feel pretty rough now but it was so worth it. I am toying with the idea of purchasing a Kenneth Jay Lane replica of the engagement ring right now...so gauche I know but I am carried away by it all. I love a good royal wedding and I love my royals.

I kept thinking back to Diana and Charles' wedding all those years ago. It is amazing how fresh and vivid the memory of it is so many years later.

I once saw Charles, Di and baby William drive past during the royal visit to Melbourne. We had to pull over to the side of the road as they passed. Di looked straight at me and waved. I don't care what anyone says against the Monarchy, that something so small and trivial as that can still bring a smile to my lips and a warm feeling demonstrates why I love the Monarchy so much.

I thought Kate's dress was nice but a bit under-whelming. I would have liked something a bit more modern, a bit different but I think that would have been hard. In her position she was right in playing it safe and going for traditional elegance. She is a lovely looking girl and William is so handsome. I did notice the unfortunate bald patch but when you one is the Prince, all manner of physical imperfections will be forgiven. I quite like Hooray Harry and I think he looked splendid in his uniform.

The pageantry and the pomp was magnificent. The cavalry riding alongside the carriages took my breath away. The uniforms were just the kind of thing I expect from the Brits. At one point the view of the carriage from a higher vantage point showed the line of horses travelling alongside, and included their feet. I noticed that they were all moving their feet in a certain way. Not just the normal plodding along, but an almost dance-like step. Amazingly all of the horses in the line were in synch. That must be something they are trained to do. What an effect.

I will keep daydreaming about the fabulousness of the wedding and use it to struggle on through my humdrum existence...

The Colonel is on the couch next to me snoring his head off...Do you think the dashing Prince will ever do that around Kate?

Food...again.

. On the weekend the Colonel took me out to lunch. We went to a place called Capones.

Capones-Cd'A

It's a kind of bar/restaurant with a sports theme. It was not exactly Bern's--my favourite restaurant in Florida--and a pricey one! For my Melbourne friends, it was not quite like Florentino either.

Grossi-Florentino--Melbourne.

Sometimes these gritty little places turn out to be pretty good and Capones didn't let me down. We had seen it featured on a TV show called Diners Drive-in's and Dives. The guy who hosts the show is an absolute Mario, or as they call them here, a Guido. He totally annoys me with his over use of the same phrases. Everything is "money," "Killer," "Winner winner chicken dinner," or "Take a trip to flavour town," Ho hum. Those kind of things are fun when you hear them once or twice but not every show. So when the host went to Capones we payed attention as it was one of the few places in Idaho ever to have rated a mention. The food there was pretty good. I had the Philly Cheese Steak and garlic fries. Before I moved to the states I had no idea what a Philly Cheese Steak was, but now I am hooked. Nom Nom! We also came home with a dog. We have our lovely two already but saw a listing in the local paper from a shelter in Coeur d'Alene for a lovely little Beagle. It turned out that someone else wanted her so we let it go. There are plenty of dogs needing a home, why fight over one. Having already started down that path though, the shelter suggested another little one in need of a home. He is a bit of a plain looker, some might say ugly. Sad but true.

Wonton

He had been given up for adoption twice, and had been in care since August of last year. My heart broke hearing this. They think he has not been adopted because he has an underbite and looks a bit like Chewbacca the Wookie.

It's hard enough for a dog to get adopted when there are so many needing home, let alone an ugly one. We met him and he seemed sweet and good-natured so we adopted him. The hour and a half ride home was interesting. He climbed over the console onto my lap and sat there the whole time. He is a heavy thing, my arm went to sleep. Then we stopped at the store to pick up our mail and bought him to meet the owners dog. That dog was not there and our new boy disgraced himself by peeing on the greeting card stand. How embarrassing! I am so glad we got him. He is a wonderful little dog. My two were difficult at first, there was lots of growling and there still is if he encroaches on their space when they are getting attention. I am doing my best to give them all equal attention but it does get hard when three dogs want me to pet them at the same time and I only have 2 hands. His name was Scooter but I really hated it. We think he looks like a Chinese Fu Dog, in particular one I saw when I was visiting Xian, China so we gave him a Chinese name: Wonton.

It's cute and he even answers to it already. What a smart lad. I really want a pure bred German Shepherd, and I hope to find one someday, but I just don't want to buy from breeders. Not when there are so many unhappy dogs languishing in shelters or on the streets. Dogs are so loving and faithful, they are the best thing in the world. I love my dogs!

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Back in Black

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Black seems to be the... new black when it comes to interior decorating. It sounds a bit gothic, even a little bit depressing but in fact it is the absoulte zenith of chic.

Everythingsimple.com

I think head to toe dressing in black is uber cool, but then I do come from Melbourne where they call that style, Melbourne black. Lots of people complain about the all black look. They come up with all kinds of Freudian assumptions about it revealing ones inner feelings, blah blah blah. Those people need to take another prozac and relax, black is back!

I am currently obsessed with black chandeliers. The juxtaposition of black fixtures and white rooms is stunning and elegant. Now all I need is some money and ruthies to slip into the Colonel's water so I can install the extravagant oddities without him stopping me!

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This bathroom with black features is just perfect. I want that bath! I hate antiques and our house has an antique claw-footed bath, no thanks. I love the pod or egg shaped sleek modern ones.

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Designwagen.com

Christmas Cheer!

Christmas is upon us once again. It’s always a wonderful time of year; presents and food, what’s not to love about that?

I am always mindful that Jesus is the reason for the season and don’t get caught up in the extreme commercialization that has taken over Christmas, so I try not to get sidetracked too much. I did send a box of pressies home to my sister and nieces which I loved doing. Giving gifts always makes me so happy. Receiving them isn’t bad either.

I managed to weasel my gift from the Colonel already. I couldn’t wait until the 25th. As December’s birthstone is Turquoise, I have always been fond of that stone. It’s hard to find it in designs I like because mostly it’s set in silver, Native-American style. No offense to anyone, but I flipping hate that type of jewelry. Southwestern style and all that—it’s ugliness makes me gag. I like my turquoise in gold thank you very much. I had a pair of 18kt gold roman coin style earrings with robin’s egg blue turquoise years ago, a gift from a wealthy aunt in Italy. I lost them. They were perfect and I am still upset 20 years later about that.

My new ring is a Carol Brodie and as a Brodie piece it is perfect of course. The stone is set on a hand-carved Philippine wood, genius! I am now nuts about wood rings—the comfort and feel is amazing. As usual, Brodie has excelled herself. I love my Christmas present.
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I made some Christmassy florentines yesterday. I have made them before using cornflakes, but this time I followed a Nigella Lawson recipe which used chopped almonds instead. They are exquisite. I have knocked off most of them myself, in fact I had 2 for breakfast today. How naughty.

Nigella Lawson always comes up with recipes that even an idiot like me can make work. I added a whole lot more glace cherries than the recipe called for, simply because I love them. The result is biscuits that look like a technicolour yawn. They taste scrummy though.

I have to work Christmas Eve and Boxing day at an (expletives deleted) retail store. Can you believe the misery? Oh this working in retail caper was meant to be a nice break from teaching. A lovely low-stress job for a bit of fun; a way to get out of the house and meet people, but as far as management are concerned, the song "Ship of Fools" keeps coming to mind.

Nigella’s Florentines.

4 ounces whole, blanched almonds
7 tablespoons mixed candied peel, in
Whole chunks, not ready chopped
1 ½ ounces glace cherries
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/3 cup sugar
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
½ cup plus 2 tablespoons heavy cream
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate (dark)
4 ounces white chocolate
2 baking sheets, greased.

Preheat the oven to 375F.

Chop the almonds so that you have some fine pieces and some chunks of nut. Chop the candied peep and cherries into fairly small, even pieces. In a heavy-bottomed saucepan, melt the butter and sugar without letting it scorch. Add the flour rather as if you were making a roux for a white sauce; it should form a ball of paste. Take off the heat and whisk in the cream. The mixture should be smooth, so put it back on the heat briefly to beat out any lumps. Stir in the fruit and almonds.

Drop heaping teaspoonfuls of this Florentine mixture onto the greased nonstick baking sheets. It will look quite liquid and will spread, so leave generous space between the blobs. Place the sheets in the oven and cook for 10-12 minutes. They’re ready when they’ve spread into larger circles and the edges are golden brown. Take them out of the oven and leave for 2-3 minutes to firm up; at this point you can ease them back into shape if you need to, as they will be very malleable. When you feel they can be lifted, slip a metal spatula or palette knife underneath them and transfer to q wire rack to cool, ensuring you leave them flat.

Melt the dark and white chocolate in separate bowls in the microwave, and paint the flat side of each Florentine; I used a pastry brush for this. Be prepared to paint over and over to get a good thick coating.

Using a fork make wavy lines on the chocolate on each Florentine and leave to dry.

Makes 30.

Recipe taken from Nigella Lawson’s How to be a Domestic Goddess.