Friday, July 31, 2009

“I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”

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Yesterday I trotted off to the Westin Hotel here in Tampa to have breakfast with friends, Gaby and her lovely daughter Brenda. Gaby is from Mexico but lives here in Tampa, while Brenda is visiting from Martinique. She heads back to Paris where she normally resides next year. How very exotic. Just being around someone who lives in Paris brings back all the happy memories of being there.




The View





Brenda, Matthias, Gaby

Brenda's son was with us, what a cutie he is. All the ladies were swooning over him. Just wait until he grows up and speaks with a French accent!


Brekky, average for what it cost

The Westin was such a let down. Last time we went to the Marriot on Harbour Island and it was magnificent. This hotel was more than a tad...blah. No buffet even. The outrage.

While on the subject of food, which my blog seems to gravitate towards an awful lot, A British food store was visited today. They had lots of goodies, even Vegemite. I'm still hankering for an Aussie style sausage which cannot be found over here. Some pasties were bought at exhorbitant cost and a Shepherd's pie.






Pasties


If only there were Fergusson Plarre stores in Tampa. How happy a Boston bun would make me right now.
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Title quote, W.C Fields

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Cane Toad invasion grows in strengh, they are going to take over Tampa!

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High Drama here in Tampa. The cane toads have discovered the food I put out for the feral cats and are eating it all. Not only are my precious feral kitties being robbed of their dinner, the hideous toads are growing fatter and bigger from their stolen fare.

I don't mind the Opossums having some, am quite happy when Dame Judi Dench the racoon pops over for a spot of tucker on the front porch. They are all God's creatures, great and small as James Herriot would say. One must make clear though, that the hand of friendship does not extend to the evil cane toad

.My evening was spent out the front chasing the bigger one and three smaller ones away from the kitty food with a broom, looking like a lunatic. I wacked one pretty hard, managed to squish another. It's a really awful business, but I simply will not allow them to make Robert Mugabe go hungry, or his urchin mate, Danny Quinn.

Die Cane Toads, DIE!
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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Let them eat cake.

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Ms Antoinette was really onto something, if only those filthy peasants had heeded the message instead of lopping off her pretty head!
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I wish this was a picture of my bedroom.

While writing to a friend about The Jewish community in St.Kilda today, my mind flew to Acland Street. What a place!
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While the Jewish businesses have moved out towards Caulfield, they have left a lasting legacy. A street lined with stores that have impressive window displays. Vast walls of glass behind which sit row upon row of brightly hued, delectable cakes. It looks like jeweled sea of dainty sugary enchantments.
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A walk down that street is a picturesque one indeed.
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So many happy memories of travelling to Acland Street for coffee and cake, then coming home on the tram carrying a distinctive white bag filled with sapid delights, waiting to be eaten later.
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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frog_cake

I love those frog cakes. Ohm nom nom nom nom!



Look away MeMe Roth, look away!



Some dream of streets paved with gold, others streets paved with European cakes, or streets with both. Well not really, I think that is just me.


flickr.com/photos/ilamya/2330343489/

I just gained a pound looking at this picture.

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I love Melbourne! I love St.Kilda....For the CAKE SHOPS, not anything else less savoury the place might be famous for, that's a whole other blog entry ;).

Sadly, I did not have the foresight to visit Acland street and take some lovely pictures before I left, (my pre-blog mania era), so I have had to pimp the photos from the net. Have attributed them where I could find the source, but if anyone would like pictures removed will do so without hesitation.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Waterworld

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We had heavy rains all day in Tampa today, causing the street in front of my house to flood.




The ditch next the house was overflowing. In Florida that can mean aligators, hope none show up and eat my cats, but some of those bothersome neighbourhood kids won't be missed. By me at least.


Ditch next to my house.

Crazy ADD boy from up the street was frolicking in the dirty water despite being yelled at and called home. No one came out to get him though, amazing. He was running around unfettered in the street diving into the water on the road and in the ditch, what a filthy little urchin. Some kids just need to be medicated!




My neighbour and his kids on the ATV, they can't be seen behind the wall of water. That's ADD boy in front.


The house can now go on the market as waterfront property, literally. The neighbours were carousing up and down the street on their ATV, what a lot of fun, I need to get one of those.




The Colonel making a splash!

Fat-attack Roth gets put in her place...lovely.

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Meme Roth is an anti-obesity activist who is sadly constantly on the TV (why for goodness sake?) promulgating her vehement and rancorous views towards the overweight. She claims to be an advocate for good health but she seems to be spiralling more and more into vicious and intolerant attacks on the poor unfortunates who cross her path with some excess pounds.
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It would seem her whole focus has evolved into shaming the corpulent, ridiculing and hounding them, converting others to join in with her in this orgy of viciousness. Why do people set about to ostensibly 'help' others but use cruelty that just hurts, belittles and effectively discriminates?
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To many sane people, Roth is just a lunatic espousing views that while although taken to an extreme, they may agree with to a point. To others, her words are incendiary, feeding their anti-obesity hatred which spills out into mistreatment of any poor bugger who dares to be big. Put down that cheeseburger fatty, Roth and her cronies are after you.

It would be safe to say Roth is no fan of Botero's work!

Fox news man Stuart Varney recently humiliated Roth in the middle of a vehement tirade against porky flight attendants. She claims being over size 18 means they cannot do their job and in fact are a safety risk, seriously.
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Stuart Varney is brilliant. He shamed her like a naughty school girl and held her up for the ridicule she so richly deserves, all with panache and aplomb. Kudos to you Stuart Varney.
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The video can be viewed on Jezebel, not a fan of that blog, but it's worth visiting just to see an angry yet eloquent Varney shine as he puts the mean spirited trollope through the ringer.

Roth should be hounded out of the public forum by sane people who may well think that everyone should be under size 18, or not, but who despise her truculent harrassment of others.

Varney says that if it were up to Roth, no woman over size 18 would be allowed to have a job. I personally don't think they would be allowed to exist.
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When Roth holds up a pair of size 24 pants and laughs at the size of them, Varney says, 'You madam, are a disgrace'.

Slow clap Stuart Varney, slow fucking clap.
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Once again I draw my readers attention to one of the most beautiful women in the world, Velvet D'amour. She is such a shining example that people of all shapes and sizes can be, and often are blindingly attractive. The excuse to load up my blog with more pictures of the stunning Velvet has arisen!




All photos of Velvet pimped from nuovomagazine.blogspot.com/
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Saturday, July 25, 2009

I'm in a fight for survival against my nemesis, some bugger who works for UPS


Strangely there are those who still frown upon the whole shopping at home concept. The Countess is not one of those people, having embraced the idea some time ago. Where else but through the major shopping networks can one get such amazing bargains and (best part), have the loot delievered to one's front door. The only drawback for me is when the items are shipped via UPS.
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Sure it's fast, it's reliable, but for some strange reason, the UPS guy always makes sure his drop off coincides with The Colonel's arrival home from work. If the Colonel is 30 mins later than usual, there is the brown UPS truck mysteriously pulling up. Should the Colonel arrive earlier, the familiar truck suddenly appears.
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Why do you hate me UPS man? What is the cause of this vendetta?

Some of the major shopping channels do special deals from time to time. This weekend, practically all items at shopnbc.com were available on 5 part payments. This is just an incredible concept. The goods are delievered immediately, yet they are paid for, interest free over several months.

I couldn't resist stocking up on some Elizabeth Grant products which are the best thing in on the market for skincare as far as I am concerned.

When one gets to be an old chook of 40 like me, a special neck cream is in order.

925 Fusion is Shopnbc.com's range of sterling silver, clad in gold. I like some of it, but find mostly it looks a bit too woggy or just......well let's not put perfume on a skunk here, it's just plain ugly.

One sassy little pair of earrings was found though and for 8 dollars a month for the next five months, a charge one will hardly even feel, a cute little pair of 'chubby huggies' was purchased. They look like a Fernando Botero painting made of shiny gold.


Who can resist a chubby huggie? Not me that's for sure.

My trusty handbag that has been carried lovingly for the past few years but is starting to whither up and die. The handle is broken, torn and frayed. It's been such a great little bag, bought at Myer, Highpoint for 70 bucks, what a bargain. Having realised it was time to move on, a new one was ordered from Qvc.com. Shopping around involved a few clicks off the mouse, instead of going out into the stinking heat with the bewildered herd thronging about. The UPS guy delievered it straight into the Colonel's hands. Thanks a bunch. :(

My sad old sack.

New bag, yeah!

A safe and sensible option from Dooney and Burke

UPS man, give me a break and get here earlier in the day, avoiding The Colonel this week when the Carol Brodie Drusy ring arrives!

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading

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Yesterday I rebelled at having been too long deprived of some classic Aussie tucker and set about making a meat pie. The trouble is, one cannot buy shortcrust pastry here in the US. Why? Such a simple and common food item, it seems strange that it is not readily available.

Pastry making is a chore best avoided, thank heavens for the ready-made sheets of short crust and puff pastry in the freezer at any supermarket in Australia.
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A recipe was sought for the flaky delight. Nigella Lawson has always provided excellent recipes that convert into delicious and popular treats. This time the results were not so pleasing. Oh dear, it was very buttery and not at all suitable, back to the books to find another. Nigella, how could you let me down like that? I thought we were friends?

Puff pastry sheets are impossible to get, but I did manage to find long rectangles of it which were combined to make one flat sheet.


The flavoursome filling as it cooked.


The pie turned out really well and is heartily recommended for my fellow Aussies, expats and anyone who just likes to eat yummy things.


Meat Pie

short crust pastry (store bought for the lucky ones)

2 tablespoons olive oil

400g chuck or blade steak, diced

1 onion, sliced

150g button mushrooms, thickly sliced

1 teaspoon Vegemite

1 tablespoons plain flour

1tablespoon bisto

200 mls red wine

1 tablespoon tomato paste

1 cup (250 mls) beef stock

1 tablespoon chopped rosemary

2 tablespoons chopped parsley

sea salt and pepper

1 sheet puff pastry

1 egg yolk, lightly beaten


Preheat oven to 200°C/400F Lightly spray a pie pan, lay sheet of pastry in with enough to cover the edges. Place in the freezer for 10 minutes to chill. Bake for 15 minutes or until golden.


Not the prettiest looking pie, but a scrumptious one.

Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a medium saucepan over a high heat. Brown meat in batches. Add remaining oil to pan and reduce temperature to medium, add vegetables and cook for 1 minute. Return meat to the pan and stir through the flour and Bisto. Cook for one minute then add the wine, tomato paste, vegemite stock and rosemary. Stir and cook for 50 mins- 1 hour or until tender. Season to taste and stir through parsley. Set aside to cool.

Spoon beef mixture into pastry case. Place on the top of the pie and press edges with a fork. Brush generously with egg wash, pierce the top and bake for 12- 15 minutes or until golden.


Some may say a pie is a tad on the fattening side. Let that not get in the way of a hearty home cooked treat, 'Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart." Erma Bombeck

Title quote by Henry Youngman.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Carol Brodie Rocks!

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The new Carol Brodie collection is available on Hsn.com and after just viewing it, I'm having paroxysms of delight. I'm breathless after seeing it displayed online.

I recently posted about her fabulous collection which was stumbled upon one boring afternoon in front of the telly. One of the lucky ones, I was able to pick up the Citrine and Onyx ring which is now completely sold out. As Brodie says in the video this ring is the height of chic.



Brodie will be having a show on Hsn.com each month adding new and scrumptious pieces each time. I am so in love with this collection and by proxy with Ms Brodie. Is that normal?


Look at this beauty available for 30 bucks,



I just can't help but gasp looking at it. Brodies describes it by saying, It was the hottest trend at the Tucson Gem Show, and we are bringing this to Rarities in its most organic and chic form. The amethyst drusy and agate ring is the must-have of this show. It is all about the rough, natural gem – without adding our polish and shine. We follow our instincts to choose the perfect rough and then it is a labor of love to source all of the rough and find craftsmen who can actually cut all of these. Wearing this ring is a statement of authenticity and the one piece of rarities jewelry that best expresses summer love!


Summer love indeed, that must be the affliction ailing me right now. The ring below is gorgeous, blue chalcedony and moonstone. Perhaps I could sell a kidney on the black market to afford it and the matching earrings.

These matt gold discs came in black sapphires, white zircons and turquoise. They are called the Sun Goddess earrings and are magnificent.

My Rarities by Carol Brodie collection thus far.












Wednesday, July 22, 2009

More atrocities committed against the Countess

It never ceases to amaze me, just how much things seem go awry here. If I am not bemoaning the lack of proper footpaths, the ditches full of stale water that breed mozzies, the heat, the humidity, the sight of chubby thighs rubbing together when too tight shorts are worn, then something is quite wrong indeed.

I hate to sound like a whinger, but, enough is enough. Today I went to a beauty salon, a nice one to have my eyebrows waxed and tinted. Nature has not blessed me with dark eyebrows or lashes so I artificially keep them nice and brown.

I normally go to the Salon at Saks, as you may remember from an earlier post, the Coiffer there massacred my hair and I ran with what little burnt out scraps I had left to another Salon. The trouble is, I really did like the lady who did all the Beauty work. It was expensive and the ever frugal Colonel convinced me to try the local and much cheaper salon.

What a screaming nightmare. My eyebrows are uneven and crooked, one is a bare thin strip that has not been tinted all the way with strips of my skin ripped off. I went back to get them to re-tint as only half of it had been done. What you see is the result of the second visit, it's completely rubbish. What a bunch of treacherous shysters robbing me of my cash.


Look at the hideous shape of both eyebrows? Horror.


Good thing I didn't get my lashes tinted. I asked if they used vegetable dye and no, they use a normal SEMI-PERMANENT! Have you picked yourself up from the floor dear reader?? You know the kind of semi-permanent hair dye that makes one go blind if it gets in the eye? The kind that is banned here in many states. The kind that FDA has stated are a danger? When vegetable dye is safe and widely used, why oh why would anyone take such a risk and use hair dye on the eyes? Furthermore, if the bimbo who brutalised my eyebrows got anywhere near my lashes with that stuff I would surely be blind by now.

A huge piece of my skin was ripped off by the wax. It's so painful. One good thing, notice the luscious dark lashes, courtesy of Latisse. I blogged earlier about my experiment with the eyelash growing drug. It really works. I actually have darker lashes that are long and even curl.



I shall be walking around town looking very Emo with my fringe dragged down on one side to cover the mutilated brow. Better to look like an albino Emo than Bozo the disfigured freaking clown.

America, I am already down, stop kicking me in the guts. Please.



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Sunday, July 19, 2009

Aussie Treats.

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Recently a jar of Golden Syrup was spotted in the 'ethnic' food aisle at the local supermarket. What a pleasant surprise. In the past two years I have not seen Golden Syrup at all, how lovely to be able buy a jar of that rich ambrosial nectar, yet how odd that a staple of the pantry at home is now in the exotic International section.

Armed with the sticky syrup, I was eager to make something scrumptious that would remind me of home. My friend Juliet on her wonderful blog, Downunder kitchen, suggested the making of golden syrup dumplings.

A recipe was found in a Woman's Weekly Aussie Cookbook. What a handy little resource that has turned out to be. Will try the Neenish tarts soon.

Dumplings are such a simple dessert, yet so delectable. The Colonel loved it, just another example of Aussie food he has tried and is impressed by. He even loves Vegemite. I don't think I could have married someone who was not a fan of Vegemite!






Dumplings and Cocky's Joy

1 1/2 cups self-raising flour

2 tablespoons caster sugar

60g butter, melted

1 egg, lightly beaten

1/4 cup milk

1 1/3 cup water

1/3 cup golden syrup

1/2 cup soft brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon lemon juice

60 g butter, extra



1. Sift flour into mixing bowl. Add sugar, stir until combined. Make a well in the centre.

2. Combine butter, eggs and milk. Add mixture to dry ingredients. Using a knife, stir until just combined.

3. Combine water, syrup, sugar, juice and extra butter in a large pan. Stir over high heat until sugar has dissolved, bring to boil.

4. Carefully drop heaped tablespoonsful of the flour mixture into syrup. Reduce heat to low and cover pan. Cook for 10 minutes or until dumplings have risen and are cooked through.

Ladle the syrup over dumplings occaisionally during cooking.

Enjoy!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I'm dancing with the stars, if by dancing you mean stumbling and if by stars you mean Vicodin.

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Today for the first time since moving to the USA, I visited the Museum of Fine Arts in St. Petersburg. What took me so long? I simply cannot believe this gem has been missed. I knew there was a small Gallery but I was not quite prepared for just how nice it is.

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Some of the beautiful surroundings at St.Petersburg.


Off I set out this bright, sunny Tampa morning, (they are all like that) and with my friend Gaby made the 20 minute drive over picturesque waterways to St.Petes.

Clearly having our priorities in order, we stopped first at the Museum Cafe. Food before Art darlings! We sat next to 3 storey high floor to ceiling windows and enjoyed the waterfront view while enjoying some very fine comestibles indeed. Finally, a place to go for excellent cappucino in the USA!

It was all rather posh and more than a tad cultural. I was happy as a pig in mud. It's not quite the National Gallery of Victoria, but it is a refreshing Oasis in a sometimes desolate cultural desert.

I always complain about the Floridians gadding about in the thong-t-shirt-tight shorts uniform, but today was quite taken aback by the sartorial elegance of the museum going folk. Asymetrical separates, large pieces of unusual jewelery, arty hair dos. It was not quite Brunswick Street, more like it's mild mannered US cousin. Where did these people come from? Do they go about the streets in the usual Florida wear because I know I NEVER see people like this as I flit around town. Perhaps they garb themselves in the ensembluhs so painfully familiar to me and then have a secret stash of stylish clothes hidden in the cupboard for their museum visits. It was very pleasing to see such colourfully attired people after so long staring at chubby thighs wobbling down the street before me.

Currently, an Andy Warhol exhibition is being held so off we went to view the Campbell's soup can and other works by the infamous Pop Artist. I began happily taking snaps until being very politely informed that it was not allowed. Shame, but I had already taken a picture of a Campbell's Soup can and a Marilyn Monroe portrait. It was rather special having seen these ultra famous works up close.


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Warhol is almost as famous for his bons mots as for his Art. What a strange, interesting man he was.




In January the Museum will be holding a retrospective exhibition entitled, 'The Baroque World of Fernando Botero'. I rather like his flat, Diego Rivera style paintings. Botero's signature large, avoirdupois figures are striking in a block like way.

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All animals are cuter when fat. Fact.



Monday, July 13, 2009

Sabrina the Wunderdog.

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I've never met an animal I didn't like - Andy Warhol.



The past few days the Colonel and I have been dog sitting a lovely black lab, Sabrina the Wunderdog. The owners were called away suddenly to a funeral in Atlanta.

Sabrina had spent some time at a kennel recently and it was not a happy event. She didn't eat and almost ran over her owner in her desperation to get out of the canine stalag. Taking her back was a sorry option. I am really happy we could help out with her accomodations. She was spoiled rotten at Palazzo Chichi, such as a dignified lady of ripe old age deserves.
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Apart from being the most gorgeous and loveable dog, Sabrina is a certified cat hater. My poor cats have been terrorised and traumatised to the edge of reason. The seemingly docile animal turns into a vicious beast upon hearing the pitty patter of dainty, or not so dainty kitty feet. I had to throw myself around Sabrina's neck to save my beloved Runty from being pounced upon and turned into a feline appetizer.

Romeo is quite the pork chop express, to add to his misfortunes, he is a ginger. Life has been tough for the poor little tacker. Him ever having the speed to run past and squeeze his rotund butt through the kitty door in less time than it takes a hunting dog to swallow him whole, is doubtful. It was only by Sabrina's good graces that he was able to squeeze his portly ginger self out before she took a chomp.
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Runty, Tiger, (Runty's mum) and Romeo. All clearly built for comfort, not speed.

In this humid, disgusting Florida heat I have been constantly traipsing the neighbourhood with Sabrina, keeping her busy and not too bored. It sounds like I want a medal for walking a dog, but all things considered, that is not such a preposterous idea. I must add that I have loved being out walking a dog again, I find it so agreeable to have a canine companion.
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Apart from the obvious weather issues, there are few footpaths here which make walking one's dog a less than simple task. Tampa is a city, it's not the middle of the country, it's built up and yet there are mostly no pavements. I have to walk on the road, ever vigilant for cars and the carcass's of flattened cane toads. It's too hot to wear runners so I wear my faithful birkenstocks and they do little to keep wet parts of squashed toad from seeping between one's toes!


When cars do approach I have to walk up onto the grass and avoid the cane toads, get my feet wet, receive multiple mozzie bites as this place is swarming with them and so on. Surely my long suffering reader, you get the picture.

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I spent a year living in Werribee. Yes I hear you gasp, the S*&t farm town, bogan epicentre of the known universe, and guess what? There were footpaths everywhere. Will some one please explain to a bewildered Countess why there is a lack of cement for those of us who would like to 'pound the pavement'? Why those ferals in Werribee, too drunk to walk in a straight line, need perfect pavement when decent folk from respectable families must walk all over the front lawns of others just to give the dog's legs a stretch, is beyond me.

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We don't even have many, if any drains here, which may be good as I have been warned to keep the dog away from them. Why? I so innocently asked, 'Because Aligators come up from them and get the dogs'. Charming! Just another quaint little detail about my adopted land that makes me quiver with joy at my decision to move here.

While there are no drains, there are ditches. They run along next to the houses, fill up with water which may contain the odd aligator, but mostly serve as breeding grounds for mozzies. I believe that the mosquito is the state bird of Florida, or it should be. They are everywhere and I can't walk outside these days without getting covered in nasty, itchy bites. I hate it.


Ditch, such as the one running alongside my house, A perfect mosquito breeding place.


The first night Miss Brina was here I made up the spare bed and slept with her so she wouldn't be too disturbed and lonely away from her family. Last night I couldn't face the idea of getting back into the now dog fur infested sheets, so I turned the radio on to keep her company and gave her loads of cat toys to play with, or to use to pick up the scents she could hunt them down with the next day. She behaved with such ladylike aplomb, nary a whimper from her all night. Sabrina is a true Southern Belle.



Today there seems to be some kind of uneasy truce between dog and cats, so the Countess can cut back on the valium! A couple of times today small furry figures darted past. I thought a bloodbath would ensue only to see her staring but not even growling. What a champ.


Sabrina goes home tomorrow and I will miss her and her soft as velvet, midnight black fur. My cat's however will be really very happy to see the back of her tail.

Sabrina's diet while visiting consisted of a small portion of her own food, larger portion of cat food eaten surreptiously, Arby's popcorn chicken and a little bit of salami. She is on a diet but visiting here was kind of like being at a resort and no one loses weight while on holiday, well unless they get malaria, or the dengue or something like that.

Goodbye Sabrina, I will miss you.


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