Saying goodbye to Tampa

Departure day is looming and the closer it gets the more reticent I am to leave Tampa. We have had a love-hate relationship this town and I, thanks to the sub-tropical climate, but it really is a nice little town and it has been a place where many good memories, and friends were made.

The Colonel and I have been rushing around like headless chooks finalising everything here. Today we almost had an altercation with a crabby old man at McDill Airforce Base. Florida is a haven for the elderly, they just love it.

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In the winter time when the weather here is perfect, they flock down from Canada or the north part of the USA to escape the brutal winters, earning the moniker, 'Snow birds'. The annoying result is that one can hardly move at any of the stores on base due to the influx of elderly retirees, hence my nickname for the place, McDill Acres Retirement Home.

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The car park at the grocery store was packed as usual and this guy tried to stand in, presumably to save, the only available spot within cooee of the store. The Colonel drove into the space, crabby guy was not happy and to lighten things up the Colonel said, 'I almost ran you over'. To which the cantankerous old grump replied, 'If you had I would have beat your ass'. Ummmm say what? Seriously, I could have dropped the old fellow with a roundhouse kick to his bumpy head and not even put a scratch on my Tod's. Maybe back in the day he was G.I Joe, but now he is G.I Joke.

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Then we went to some office to sort out some retirement thing. The guy we dealt with had a nice office, filled with pictures of his loving family. Sweet guy I thought. Until we tried to call the VA using the number he gave us. Turns out it was a PHONE SEX LINE.

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Well, well, well Mr got photos of my family all over my office, seems like you are getting up to some trouble. He seems to be a bit of a slacker, others have had trouble with him not doing what he was supposed to do. We now understand why. It's very difficult to do one's job when it gets in the way of quality phone sex time. Loser with a capital L.

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We had lunch at my favourite Japanese restaurant, Yoko's. The Colonel took me there when I first arrived in Tampa and we have been there many times since. I scoffed in a very unlady-like manner, the Tempura veggies today knowing it was my last Yoko's feast.

Golden brown and delicious. Being vegetables they are very healthy, the voices in my head told me so.

Our last Yoko's meal. Sob.

The eating did not stop there my friends, oh no, it had only just begun. After being in Tampa for over 2 years, we finally made it to a veritable culinary landmark, Bern's steak house. Some program on the travel channel featured Bern's as the country's best steakhouse. It certainly has a hoighty toighty reputation and it's well deserved.

A dark, rich interior reminiscent of a 19th Century brothel greets diners upon entering. Surprisingly, I found the decor exquisite. It's so lush and posh. I was in raptures from the moment I entered. The food was outstanding too. Bonus.

Picture shamelessly pilfered from nyjournal.squarespace.com

No pictures were taken by me of the main meal and dining room simply because I felt like such a bogan getting the camera out in such a fancy place.

After dinner we were taken on a tour of the kitchens and wine cellar. An entire building up the road stores over 900,000 bottles of wine, making Berns the proud owners of the largest private wine collection in the USA. There is a locked room full of rare wines including a 150 year old $10,000 French luxury vintage. Imagine paying that much for a glass of vino, worse still imagine spilling that down the front of one's tasteful evening attire. Disastrous!

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The kitchen is a hive of activity, they can serve up to 1,000 Steaks a night.

Fancy a cheeky vino?

The evening ended with desert upstairs in a private desert room. While the words, private desert room, seem to be conjured up from one of my fantastical dreams, it was very much a real place. A muscian played on a grand piano while guests sat in small rooms set like honeycomb into the vast space. Dessert was a saporific extravaganza. The Colonel enjoyed a Peach Melba while I gluttonously indulged in a molten lava cake.

Kate Moss has famously said that nothing tastes as good as thin feels. Oh dear girl you obviously have not tried the molten lava cake at Bern's. I am sure it would have you recanting that little remark and bursting out of your seams in no time.

Peach Melba

Molten lava cake with vanilla bean icecream.

The food was great, the ambience and even the bathrooms were lovely. They also know how to make a good grasshopper, a refreshing change from all the supposedly fine dining establishments I have visited that have no idea how to make one. It's a classic cocktail for goodness sake.

Dining at Berns was a wonderful experience that I am so grateful for. I would rate it at 5 stars and heartily recommend it to anyone who loves to eat, who loves to eat well, and does not mind the brothel feel to the place. :)

Bon Appetit my epicurian friends.